The recipe for acceptance: FINDING POINTS OF CONNECTION
- tyudelson
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
It all started with a simple question:
Why are so many newcomers moving to St. John’s Newfoundland?
I was intrigued to find out, especially since, in the past, folks in Newfoundland left the province to find work opportunities elsewhere. Now, immigrants are moving there to build their futures. CBC The Current’s Matt Galloway talked to business owners and recruiters in St. John’s about this curiosity, and the East Coast kindness that makes them want to stay. It was enlightening, and, frankly, an unexpected lesson about how we might best treat those not like us.
One happy newcomer explained: “A Newfoundlander treats you like they saw you yesterday, even if they are meeting you for the first time. And I've observed, with all the different places I've been across four continents, in Newfoundland, they intentionally seek points of connection. So they're always trying to, when they ask you a question, the main purpose is, how do I find a point of connection with this person? And you feel that as a foreigner. You realize they're not questioning me to categorize me or to just pry. They want to find out what do we have in common? What can we bond on? And that would happen in the middle of the supermarket aisle or on the bus. Wherever you go, they would try to see, how can I befriend you? How can I share a moment with you?”
This description captures something profound about human connection - the difference between interrogation and invitation.
What the Newfoundlanders are doing represents a fundamentally different social orientation, one that assumes commonality rather than difference as the starting point.
Most social interactions begin with implicit boundaries and categories. We often approach strangers with a kind of social sorting mechanism - figuring out where they fit, what group they belong to, whether they're "like us" or not. This creates distance even in the act of getting to know someone. The questions become tools of classification rather than connection.
But this Newfoundland approach flips that entirely.
Instead of "Who are you and how are you different from me?" the underlying question becomes "Who are you and how are we the same?"
It's the difference between building walls and building bridges from the very first moment of contact.
This creates what psychologists call "assumed similarity" - the powerful human tendency to like and trust people we perceive as sharing common ground with us. By actively seeking those points of connection, Newfoundlanders are essentially manufacturing the conditions for instant rapport and belonging.
The genius is in the intentionality. It's not accidental friendliness - it's a deliberate social practice of inclusion.
They've culturally encoded the understanding that every person carries stories, experiences, and humanity that can intersect with your own if you're willing to look for those intersection points.
This approach dissolves the local-foreigner – us and them - divide because it operates from the assumption that being human is already enough common ground to start from. Rather than making someone prove they belong, it assumes they already do and then seeks to discover the specific ways that belonging manifests.
It's a masterclass in how small social choices can create radically different experiences of acceptance and community.
Here are the key elements of this inclusive approach to human connection:
1. Assume Connection Rather Than Difference
Start from the premise that commonality exists rather than that people are fundamentally different
Approach strangers as potential friends rather than outsiders to be assessed
Operate from "we belong together" instead of "prove you belong"
2. Seek Points of Connection
Actively look for shared experiences, interests, or backgrounds
Ask questions designed to find common ground rather than highlight differences
View every interaction as an opportunity to discover what you have in common
3. Replace Categorization with Curiosity
Resist the urge to sort people into social boxes or labels
Ask questions to understand rather than to classify
Focus on individual stories rather than group identities
4. Practice Intentional Inclusion
Make connecting with others a deliberate social practice, not just accidental friendliness
Engage with people wherever you encounter them - supermarkets, buses, everyday spaces
Treat inclusion as a skill to be cultivated rather than a natural talent
5. Lead with Empathy and Genuine Interest
Approach others with authentic curiosity about their experiences
Listen for connection points rather than just waiting for your turn to speak
Show genuine care about finding ways to relate and bond
6. Create Immediate Belonging
Treat newcomers as if they already belong rather than making them earn acceptance
Dissolve the insider-outsider dynamic through assumption of shared humanity
Make people feel welcome from the very first interaction
This approach essentially turns every social encounter into an opportunity for community building rather than social sorting.
Eureka, I think we just found the secret sauce!
_________________________________________________________________________
CHECK OUT
The Current with Matt Galloway | June 9
Why so many newcomers are moving to St. John’s
Comments