Not sure where to begin with this cringeworthy story about a woman disowned by her parents for coming out of the closet (not unusual on its own), and who must then deal with a request from these same parents to bail them out of their financial woes years later. It really rankled me.
Talk about gall! Not to mention adding insult to injury!
Sadly, this is an epic fail on so many levels and a lesson on how NOT to deal with people.
In my mind, parents, having taken the decision to have a child, have a responsibility to love, guide, and support their child so that he/she/they can grow to be the best version of themselves and live happy and productive lives. Doing otherwise represents a failure that clearly has negative impact on the child, not to mention society in general.
When someone is not accepted for who they really are, it often has adverse repercussions on their mental health and ability to function. The worst culprits, needless to say, are those entrusted with actually raising the child - the go-to support structure, the primary caregiver, teacher and cheerleader: parents. Parents have the power – in fact, the obligation - to protect their children from all sorts of threatening forces. Not surprisingly, studies show that when parents are supportive of their LGBTQ kids, those kids have less depression and fewer risk behaviors.1 UofT Faculty of Social Work professor, Kyle Ganson, noted that for LGBTQ youth specifically, the accepting, validating base of support that a parent or guardian can provide “may be particularly important” given how many young people experience elevated rates of social stigma, bullying, and the “stressors while living as a ‘minority’ in the ‘majority’ world.”
While family acceptance is key, issues for parents of gay kids also include:2
Hate crimes prevention – working to prevent gay bashing and other forms of hate crimes against gay kids
Health – addressing the health concerns of gay kids as they come into adulthood
Relationship recognition – working to achieve equal rights and recognition for gay relationships as for heterosexual relationships
Safe schools – parents of gay children ensuring a safe learning environment
Workplace fairness – supporting the gay child and any issues they face when entering the workforce
In this story, the parents never even got to addressing the above-noted issues, having summarily thrown their daughter to the curb, not accepting her for who she was. This in itself is a trauma no one should have to endure. To have these same parents then seek financial assistance, noting their ‘past support’ for the child growing up is….well….reprehensible. Essentially piling trauma on top of trauma.
Parenting is one of the most important commitments anyone can make.
I say, do it right or don’t do it.
REFERENCES
See also:
Many parents struggle to adjust after learning child is gay, study finds
Modern dos and don'ts for parents of gay kids coming out
New Research Highlights How Parents Can Best Support Their LGBTQ Kids
Behaviors of Supportive Parents and caregivers for LGBTQ Youth
Her son came out. She called a gay bar for advice. The delightful convo went viral.
Parenting done right.
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